apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
