I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize