its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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