I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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