ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
