im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Randomize
