with your own penis?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
