God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize