cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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