spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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