Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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