Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
