How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
