guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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