he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
