WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
sex in a hospital.. check
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
