Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
