Got a toothbrush?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
