What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
