like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
