why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it penis luge time yet?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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