in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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