xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
