I wish you could order shots online.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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