She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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