She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
