My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
