can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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