I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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