I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
