dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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