just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
birth control should be required to get into college
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
