He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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