I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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