update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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