don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
