Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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