I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
