OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm too high and old for this...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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