No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
