Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
