I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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