Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
