Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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