YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
