hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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