Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
