can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
