Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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