I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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