Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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