I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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