I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
