so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
