im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.