i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
