I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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