Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is