mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The feeling are messing with the penis
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09