Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.

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  (214): He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating. http://tfl.nu/pak1
  Replies (5) Good night (589) Bad night (3416)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

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  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (6746) Bad night (1877)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.

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  (631): I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York. http://tfl.nu/aty3
  Replies (22) Good night (1153) Bad night (3655)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.

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  (206): and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/jfbz
  Replies (4) Good night (1193) Bad night (2750)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?

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  (806): Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight? http://tfl.nu/jadi
  Replies (6) Good night (3221) Bad night (935)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?

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  (217): Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me? http://tfl.nu/r928
  Replies (9) Good night (2848) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch

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  (631): My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch http://tfl.nu/rckm
  Replies (6) Good night (1489) Bad night (772)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  welcome to the club.

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  (215): the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night. (1-215): welcome to the club. http://tfl.nu/wwaf
  Replies (5) Good night (999) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?

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  (250): Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude? http://tfl.nu/r6rp
  Replies (2) Good night (1210) Bad night (588)
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  (310): View more from California

  At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?

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  (310): At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude? http://tfl.nu/d5u6
  Replies (5) Good night (1298) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).

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  (214): I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one). http://tfl.nu/5c4d
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them

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  (603): I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them http://tfl.nu/lutq
  Replies (8) Good night (660) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.

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  (541): Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back. http://tfl.nu/a3bg
  Replies (5) Good night (724) Bad night (399)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "

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  (217): He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick " http://tfl.nu/w39y
  Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on

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  (209): I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on http://tfl.nu/atke
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (171)

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