You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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