Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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