The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit