He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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