Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?