My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine