A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
