I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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