My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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