A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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