The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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