I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
