i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
