It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
