I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
