Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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