Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
