They should really pass out barf bags in church
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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