I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
