I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
