you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
