remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
